it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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