Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
