I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
