Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I will be naked everywhere
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
