Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
this is an emotional support booty call
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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