But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize