im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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