I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
