Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
