like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
