walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
