Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
