I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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