So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize