Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
