Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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