Please, let me fuck your mom
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
