Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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