i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
