just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
