Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
