He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize