Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I stole a fireplace last night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
