think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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