Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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