Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Panties = found
Randomize
