We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
