Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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