you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
