Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
