Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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