How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
