you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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