I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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