Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
...so i touched it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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