So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
