to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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