Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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