dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
