I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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