Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
