He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
