guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
