The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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