Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
