So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize