whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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