I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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