I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
