we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
