That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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