Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
