Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Buhtt sex?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize