We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
