he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you win again, gameday.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
