I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
