I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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