I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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