Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
