I faked an abortion last night.
only if we run a train.
done.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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