Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
