she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
