dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
