just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I need a beard to bite.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize